The End of Us
by K.A. Mist
Summary: So this is it, the end. The end of the wicked game that we have fought for so long. Throughout that, I sensed an affection for you, as I have sensed your affections for me. This game does not allow that. It's either I who dies first, or you who will die. So here I am, standing before your grave, paying you a final visit. Despite all, you are just one of many. No more.
1. Your Grave

**A/N: This is a rewrite of the work, I'll have to say I am happier with it now, so it's safe to say that this work is complete. The first chapter was inspired by the piece "Cold" by Jorge Mendez.**

 **I have decided to re-post this because apparently this work decided not to update.**

 **Warning: Tragically sad**

* * *

I stood before the white grave, have been ever since the ceremony had long ended, staring silently at the name that was freshly engraved upon the smooth white stone.

It was surrounded by other markers within the graveyard, one of many.

I have always known that death was something inevitable for everyone, for all ages and all walks of life, all manners of termination.

I myself have been closely acquainted with death itself, been surrounded by it and this is just another reminder.

A painful reminder.

The sun began to cast an orange glow over the land, the heat from the afternoon had dwindled and died down, the last traces of warmth struggled to touch the earth, breathing its last spluttering breath.

Soon the day will end, just like the life that had ended beneath the ground before me.

But unlike the sun, this life before me will not return to grace me with his warmth again.

Not ever.

I stared down at it in a detached manner.

I suppose I will be fine, this is just one of many lives that had passed into my life and passed away.

Just one of many.

It is not anything special, just a piece of memory for me to keep as I walk onwards, further away from my past, further away from now.

I will simply keep working, I will return to it once I am done here.

I doubt that I would come back to visit again.

This will be the last time.

I peered down at the many flowers that the others have left behind, lying upon the foot of his grave.

Gifts for the dead that will slowly rot and die over time.

I wonder if his practical mind will appreciate their thoughts or curse at them for leaving him something so useless, a remotely backhanded jab at his current predicament.

Most certainly the latter.

I felt myself smirk a little at the prospect of it.

I could imagine him as clearly as if it is happening, eyebrows furrowed and lips curled downwards in annoyance, throwing his beautifully sculpted hands in the air as he ranted.

My smile melted away.

Why does his image appear in my mind even now?

Why do I smile at it?

I do not want to.

For it will only amplify my yearning for him later, the memories made painful by the clarity of the loss.

He was not meant to be anything special, simply one of the many.

One of the many.

I told myself again and again, deluded myself over and over again.

But the truth continues to plague me, rearing its ugly head at me.

 _You love him_ , it said, shouted even, breaking through the detachment that I held onto as tightly as I could.

 _No_ , I responded.

And it was then that I realise that I cannot escape the entrapment of my feelings.

 _I love him_.

It all came back in a rush.

His innocent brown eyes whenever it looked upon me, the light always caught it at the right time, causing them to sparkle and shine like precious gems that I am not allowed to touch.

His playful smirk whenever he endeavours to trip me up in a conversation or causes me to overanalyze his moves in the games.

His obsession with keeping his hair neat and presentable, even though it had the innate ability of never being out of place.

The exceptions where his hair stubbornly remained out of place whenever he fell asleep at the desk.

The half-smile that graced his face when he was deeply amused by the silly antics that was caused by myself.

No one had smiled at me because of my strange actions before.

The flash of violent anger directed at me when I stepped past a boundary too far.

Still I found that passion intriguing, stunning.

His lilted voice that spoke my name.

False as it was, my name.

* * *

 _"What do you think, Ryuuzaki?"_

 _"Looks like I win this time, Ryuuzaki."_

 _"Ryuuzaki, I swear to god, if you don't cut that out right now, I'm going to murder you!"_

 _"No that does not make me Kira at all!"_

 _"You want me to guess? Strawberry cheesecake, I suppose…"_

 _"You're being ridiculous."_

 _"We'll catch Kira together."_

 _"As long as I'm here, you'll never be alone, Ryuuzaki."_

* * *

"Lies!"

I trembled and backed up, arms involuntarily holding myself as I glared down at the white, silent grave.

"How dare you lie to me?" I croaked, shocked at how my voice sounded so unlike myself.

So fragile, so broken.

Soon I realised I could not care less.

He lied to me, he said that he will never leave me alone.

He left me, to lie within the ground, silent, silent, cold, unmoving, rotting…

 _Dead_.

A choked sob escaped my lips before I could stop myself.

I shuddered and sank to the ground, on my knees before the silent grave of Light Yagami.

A coldness pierced the skin of my hand, yet I barely felt it nor do I care what had caused it.

Another one struck the top of my head but my eyes do not leave his name as numbness enveloped my being.

Soon more and more joined and it fell all around me, soaking my suit that I have never worn except for occasions like this.

Rain dripped from my hair, clothes, into my eyes yet I do not register them, merely glaring at the grave of my companion, my suspect and a mass-murderer.

I remembered the day when all the light melted from his eyes, his smile rigid and his laugh no longer light-hearted.

I had known, had known clearly that he had returned to being Kira, my enemy, my friend.

An evil born from goodness, a goodness tainted by darkness, the darkness that birthed the evil that he is.

But I knew, I knew better.

He was good, was good till the very end.

He traded his soul.

 _For mine._

I was overwhelmed by my emotions that I believed I had shut away, never to see it again.

I didn't register what I did as a sob burst out of me, my own voice sounding foreign to my ears.

I clutched myself tighter, doubling over and shaking violently.

"Why!?" I screamed at the gravestone as I raised my head, "You thought it was better to save me? That it was better if you're gone?!"

He didn't reply, his name glaring back at me as my hands formed into fists, beating once at the sodden ground between us, trembling not from the cold.

Water flowed down my face and I tasted salt, a mingling of rainwater and my own tears.

I closed my eyes, overcome by misery and more misery.

" _I'd rather it was me_ ," I whispered brokenly.

The grave didn't respond as heavy rain continued to fall around us, soaking us both.


	2. My Memories

I sat alone on the couch, my knees drawn up to my chest, a posture that he had found ridiculous yet found amusing at the same time.

I have long since declared the Kira Case closed, departed Japan with barely a word of goodbye towards the others that I have worked together with on this case.

Last I've seen of Soichiro, he had been greatly saddened by the death of his firstborn but was terribly ashamed that he'd raised a monster such as that and pretended that his son was not his own.

His own father does not see his virtues, covered up by the dark deeds he had committed.

But I know, I know it all too greatly.

The clock on the far wall measured out the seconds, the sound of it loud in my ears.

 _Tick… tock… tick… tock…_

I do not bother to glance at it, no longer keeping track of time for my own was lost, a jumbled up mess.

In truth, I knew how much time had passed, how long it has been since I had last lived.

But I did not want to know and thus cast the knowledge of it away, far away.

So I sat with my messed up sense of time, remembering yesterday.

* * *

 _"Hey L?"_

 _Light's voice was soft, inquisitive and I tore my gaze away from my screen and turned to look at him._

 _The boy had begun to developed dark circles beneath his eyes, faint but prominent as his face was nothing but perfection prior to the current sleepless nights that he shared with me._

 _Still, that did nothing to spoil his appearance, I found. His face is still an image of beauty, one with endearing flaws instead of the sharpness of perfection._

 _I said nothing about my thoughts, the mask of indifference easy to maintain as I questioned, "Yes, Light-kun?"_

 _His expression mirrored mine, the only thing that betrayed his emotion are the brightness of his eyes, even if he had seemed as tired as he looked._

 _I knew the source of it – the thrill of speaking to someone with the same level of intellect as you have, after suffering years of encountering merely simpletons._

 _I knew for I had experienced that as well._

 _He leaned closer to me, the movement barely perceptible, slightly expectant as he asked, "Have you heard of this saying ,'You don't know what you have till it's gone?'"_

 _Habit found me and I was already nibbling on my thumb, enjoying the sensation it brought as it fed to my compulsion._

 _"I'm afraid I haven't, Light-kun. I'm not one for quotes."_

 _Indeed I was not, crimes, lessons and theories filled my days up more than anything else in the past decade and a half._

 _"Um, okay," He eyes flickered away from me for a moment, "Your thoughts, then?"_

 _I reached for the bowl of sugar left upon my desk, picked one up and tossed it into my mouth, enjoyed the crunchy texture of the cube and the open look of disgust on Light's face._

 _"I suppose the saying made sense," I decided to answer when I finished the sugar cube, "People do not see the value of what they possess until they have lost it."_

 _Light got over his disgust of the imagined taste of saccharine sweetness and said, "I beg to differ."_

 _"How so?"_

 _"I find that it is not that people do not know the value of what they had," He said, reclining back in his seat, "They knew that is was important, they just didn't expect to lose it."_

 _"An interesting take on it," I commented, musing._

 _It was not inaccurate, I find._

 _The reason why Light had asked that in the first place showed itself as he straightened in his seat, leaning forward more than he did, curiosity clear on his face as he asked, "So… quick question."_

 _He looked slightly nervous, an unconscious biting of his lips presented itself and I find that I can't ignore it, as indiscernible as it is._

 _"Is there anything that you value, L, or anyone?"_

 _By heavens, he can't be more obvious than now._

 _And my mind spoke only of one thing._

 _You._

 _But I held my tongue, I cannot speak of such a thing._

 _What with who he is and who I am._

 _I did a show of nibbling my thumb, deep in thought, before simply answering, "Sugar."_

 _His face fell._

 _"Are you kidding me, L?"_

 _Even someone as dense as Matsuda can tell of the dismay that he felt._

 _"Whatever do you mean, Light-kun?" I asked innocently, letting nothing betray my face or voice._

 _"Nothing."_

 _He turned away and didn't speak to me anymore that night._

* * *

I was pulled out of my memories when the door opened.

I turned slightly, watching idly as Quillsh made his way into the room, seeing the cheesecake that he had left on the table in front of me, the piece of confectionary untouched.

He sighed and shook his head, I watched all of this with a sense of disinterest.

"L," he uttered, his aged voice washing over my disjointed mind, "It has been over two months, perhaps you should try to take on a new case."

It took time for the words to register, that I should respond my guardian, my mentor.

"I'm afraid I'm not in the mood, Quillsh."

He looks disappointed, but I can't feel my heart sink like it should have, like it had.

The apathy is beginning to spook me, but I find that I could not be concerned by the worry.

"Perhaps you should consult a specialist about it, L," he said, before adding with a tinge of sorrow, "You can't go on like this."

I peered at him, intrigued by his suggestion.

A specialist?

He would think I need a specialist?

He thinks I'm going mad?

I cannot believe that he dares suggest that I am psychotic, the ideal detective that he had raised himself, the greatest!

I said nothing of that sort, simply replying, "I will consider it, Quillsh."

I turned away from him, willing my mind to blank.

The door clicked shut and I closed my eyes.

The sound of time haunts my ears, mercilessly passing, passing and leaving me behind, trapped within my memories.

* * *

 _"I am Kira."_

 _I stared at him as he utter the words, loud enough for the others to all hear._

 _"What are you saying, Light-kun?"_

 _"I am Kira, L. I can prove it to you, I can provide evidence, everything."_

 _Why?_

 _"Are you turning yourself in?"_

 _I don't understand, wasn't the goal to continue to deceive me, the others, in order to kill me?_

 _Why reveal yourself now?_

 _"I killed Higuchi Kyosuke," he muttered, bringing my attention to his watch, "This slip of Death Note, in here."_

 _He pulled the dial four times and a slot burst out of its place, showing me the piece and Higuchi's name written in what seems to be blood._

 _They gasped._

 _I was alarmed._

 _Do you not know that this means death?_

 _"Light, the death sentence-" I hissed, for L cannot be compromised._

 _"It's too late now, L. They all know now."_

 _He answered in an equally low voice, determined eyes boring into mine._

 _Why do this?_

 _Why give up at a time like this?_

 _Out of the corner of my eye, I see the white Death God glaring at him before stepping out of the room._

 _I gasp._

 _"The shinigami-"_

 _"Light, you're under arrest!"_

 _The others got over their initial shock, darting forward to capture him._

 _I stood up._

 _"Wait!"_

 _No one listened, they were upon him like mad dogs, restraining him with all the desperation they had while Soichiro remained where he was, despair coating his visage._

 _I stood where I was, in utter disbelief._

 _Light did not fight back, allowing them to throw the cuffs onto his arms._

 _Suddenly, he screamed._

 _"Light!"_

 _They backed away._

 _I rushed forward as he writhed in what seems to be pain, his arms twisting painfully against his restrains, tears prickled at his eyes._

 _"Light!"_

 _He screamed as I took him into my arms, struggling in my hold, gritting his teeth and burying his face into my shirt as his limbs twitched._

 _That was when I realised with a horror that he was having a heart attack._

 _I did not expect that in the haze of pain that he surely is feeling, he tilted his face up so that I could see._

 _A strained smile on his face._

 _I gasped when I realised._

 _That was why._

 _It was for me._

 _The smile disappeared and turned into a grimace as he sobbed with pain._

 _I grabbed him, cradling him close and wishing that I could take it away, wanting so much for his pain to end and failing to register the significance of it._

 _Light's body seized up and I could feel him shudder, before he went limp and slumped back into my arms._

 _I was still for a long while._

 _"Light?" I dared to whisper, dared to looked down upon the boy that I love._

 _He did not answer, did not move, did not breathe._

 _He was as still as if he was never there._

 _I pressed my fingers to his neck, where his pulse would be._

 _Nothing._

 _There was nothing for silence._

 _I screamed and held him close._

 _I screamed and tears sprung forth from my eyes._

 _I screamed and wished that it was I that had perished._

 _I screamed for the boy that I had valued most but had not expected that he would be the one to disappear._

 _I screamed for all the world could never bring him back._

 _Gone, forever._

 _All that's left, are my memories._

 _My wretched, wretched memories._


	3. Our End

"It appears that I have won this time, Light-kun."

I sat before the chessboard, frowning at how badly the tables have turned, my pieces locked in a fatal position.

 _I can't let him win again!_

There must be a way out of this.

I stared at the board, looking over again and again, for a way to get pieces out of check, vaguely aware of the bastard staring at me in amusement.

Once I have resigned to the fact that there was no winning in this one, I sighed and turned my glare on L who had the cheek to grin smugly at me.

The wind blew and I frantically reached up to fix my hair, which earned me another smile from the annoyingly adorable detective.

 _No, he's not adorable_ , I chided myself before those mortifying words decided to make themselves known.

I wouldn't hear the end of it after that.

"Would Light-kun like to have a rematch?" He asked in an imitation of my mocking tone, chuckling.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

 _Asshole!_

"We'll go another round," I grumbled, beginning to put the pieces back in place.

"Light-kun is such a sore loser," he commented, chuckling as he helped me.

"Shut up."

I need a strategy, something that wouldn't leave myself so open to L's attacks.

In terms of chess, we've been mostly equals whenever we played, our victories counts are all even so far, as if it was orchestrated by the both of us even though we have indeed played seriously.

These days L seemed to be able to beat me more often and I can't sit with that.

Why is that?

I peered at him, his blank expression radiating with a sort of contented glow.

He seemed happier these days, is that the reason why?

Maybe it was because he was no longer plagued by the thought that I was Kira, the case was over after all and Higuchi was the sole culprit while Misa and I were both cleared of suspicion.

I stared at L for a second too long and he looked up, wondering why I haven't made my move yet.

I ducked my head down, hiding a blush at being caught staring.

L smiled and I cursed him in all manners that I could, before moving a pawn forward.

L reached forward when his cellphone rang.

He fished it out of his pocket (in his adorable manner- no, _shut up!_ ), and held it to his ear in that iconic pincer grip.

"Yes, Watari?"

 _"L, where have you gone?"_ His worried voice filtered out of the phone, as I resumed my move.

"I am currently in the park."

 _"Outside?"_ He sounds alarmed, I suppose that is reasonable, I rarely come out after all

"Do not worry, I have a disguise on right now," L said to console him as he shifted the knight and forced me to alter my path.

 _"Well, as long as you're alright…"_

"I'll see you later, Watari," L said dismissively and pocketed his phone, pouring his focus back into the game when he found a trap waiting for him.

* * *

"Checkmate," L proclaimed happily, his black eyes glinting with glee as I once again stared at the board in utter disbelief and humiliation.

"I believe you owe me an ice-cream cone, Light-kun."

My head snapped up at that mention, "Since when did we agree on that?!"

"Since just now," He said, nibbling on his thumb in that _innocent_ manner of his, eyes fixed on something behind me.

I followed his gaze and, low and behold, an ice-cream truck up the hill behind us, so brightly decorated that it was painful for me to look at.

"Are you kidding me, L," I snapped, glowering at him, even Matsuda could see the indignation on my face right now, if he were here.

"I never kid, Light," L said with a smile, torn between eyeing the truck and me, "Though I think it would be better if you go ahead now, the ice cream truck will not stay there forever.

"You'd wish for that, wouldn't you?" I grumbled, getting up and making my way towards the van.

* * *

The shop vendor gave me an incredulous stare as I ordered what seemed to be a monstrosity of a treat, fit for a monstrosity of a person that is L.

Part of me wondered why I'd went so far to accommodate him, then smiled to myself when I realize how idiotic my thoughts are, considering what he is to me.

The shop vendor stared at me some more and I managed to wipe the stupid smile off my face while he conjured up the largest ice-cream cone anyone has ever seen.

I walked back with the abomination of a treat, the rainbow sprinkles and chocolate chips dropping off from how overflowed the toppings are.

I now regret making the man happy, feeling stares directed my way as I attempted to balance the ten-scoop cone with all its toppings.

I certainly feel petty enough to switch his sugar out for salt, let's see how he likes that!

That was when I noticed that the seat was empty.

"Ryuuzaki?" I looked about, finding no one else in the area.

Maybe he went to the bathroom?

He would tell me then.

He'd better not be trying to pull something.

I doubted it, since when would L give up his sweets for the sake of playing a prank?

"Ryuuzaki!" I called out, walking with the ridiculous ice-cream cone and unfortunately attracting the attention of more passersby.

Things are going great…

* * *

I have been wandering about the park for about ten minutes now, growing more worried by the second.

 _What if he was kidnapped? Has his identity been leaked? Has a vengeful criminal come to exact revenge?_

I prayed that that wasn't the case.

I left the melting ice-cream with a kid, who looked like that was the best thing that had ever happened to her, while I ran off to look for the missing insomniac.

"Have you seen my friend?" I asked, "He's really pale, has really messy hair and looked like he hadn't slept in days."

They looked at me confused, then asked, "Is that your brother?"

 _What?_

 _L certainly does not look like me!_

I was confused, then annoyed by that, dismissing them and resuming my search.

"Ryuuzaki!"

I somehow wandered into a secluded area of the park, right in front of a pond obscured by numerous trees.

I panted, tired from the shouting and running and the anxiety.

 _Where the hell is he?_

"Where the hell are you?!" I screamed in frustration, and dropped down into a crouch as habit tended to make me.

 _Wait._

 _I don't crouch._

Puzzled at my thoughts, I glanced down at the water.

L stared back at me, his eyes wide in surprise.

"Ryuu-"

His lips moved as mine did, I was bewildered.

He wore my clothes, why is he wearing my clothes?

I reached up to touch my shirt.

L reached up to touch his white buttoned shirt.

 _My_ white shirt.

I touched my face, he mirrored my actions, our hands trailing upwards until I felt my spiky hair.

Realisation hit me.

I screamed, falling out of my crouch and onto my butt, hands tearing at my hair, wanting to reach the awareness, reach it and extract it from my mind and throw it away, far away.

My screamed died down, turning into a sob as my hands clutched at my hair, despairing as the awareness settled in my mind and there was no more escape.

L was never gone.

It's Light.

 _Light is gone._

A cry escaped my lips and I held myself, trembling as my tears sprung forth and it won't stop as all of my pain and agony returned and they gnawed at my heart and they won't leave.

I shut my eyes and covered my ears, sitting alone by the pond.

 _Alone._

 _Alone._

 _Forever._

* * *

I remained by the pond, numb to all sensation and time.

Light sat by me.

Is he numb too?

As numb as I am.

My tears have long since dried, but the pain kept growing, more that it overwhelmed my nerves, then my nerves died and I felt nothing more but an empty agony.

"It's all my fault," I muttered blankly, staring anywhere but at his face.

 _It will only be worse._

"Don't be an idiot, L," His lips moved, as I see out of the corner of my eyes, staring at me in sadness and concern, "It wasn't your fault."

But it was only my voice that I heard, not his.

 _Light will speak no more._

I pushed that thought away to respond to him.

"I should have told you, Light," I mumbled, closing my eyes, "I should have told you in the first place."

 _How much you truly meant to me._

"It should have been me," My voice wavered and I buried my head in my arms.

"Don't talk like this," He pleaded, his voice as broken as mine.

 _I will speak for him._

"I wouldn't be better off if you'd been the one to die."

"It's all my fault."

 _It is true, my fault._

"It's no one's fault," 'Light' argued.

"Then whose fault is it?" I snapped at him, turning to glare at him and regrettably catching sight of his beautiful face, "If no one was at fault?"

Light stared at me in silence, he does not have an answer to provide me with.

 _Silent as the grave._

"It was all mine alone," I croaked, "Because I am this way, because I am L."

I looked away and muffled my sobs in my arms, my eyes dry.

 _No more tears._

"No…" I said with a realisation, "There was someone to blame."

He waited for me to answer, his eyes as blank as his existence.

 _Because I am L._

" _He_ made me this way," I continued, "He made it this way, all his fault."

I rose to my feet, Light did not follow.

He remained as he sat, sorrow etched on his face, his eyes remaining empty.

 _Empty._

He does not need to witness, what I am about to do.

"All his fault," I muttered, barely conscious of my actions as I stumbled off, mumbling to myself.

 _"He needs to pay."_

* * *

I stood in the middle of the sitting room, unaware of the time, unaware of how I got here.

The front of my white shirt felt damp, damp and sticky.

I blinked, then finally had the sense to look down.

I did not register what I am looking at, failing to perceive for a moment.

A body laid on the floor.

A body in black clothes, a suit.

A body, black, grey, red.

Red.

Red blood?

Blood.

A body, a man…

Quillsh.

 _Dead._

I realised I was holding onto a handgun.

Quillsh's pistol.

I remembered.

That's right, Quillsh, he had to pay, he made L, he made me.

 _All his fault._

 _He had to pay._

He had to pay for what he had done wrong, he'd done wrong to me and my Light, he killed him, he killed me.

That was the point of justice, right?

That's what he'd taught me.

 _Quillsh_.

My mentor, my guardian.

I gasped, realizing.

What I have done.

 _What have I done?_

I killed him.

I killed Quillsh with my own hands.

I stared down at my hands.

Red, holding a pistol.

His blood.

 _He's dead._

 _I killed him._

I sank down to my knees, trembling.

He's dead.

My fault.

It was his fault.

No, my fault.

I killed him.

He'd paid, I have not.

I have to pay.

I glanced down, onto the pistol that I still held.

 _I have to pay._

I looked down again at his dead body, a hole in the back of his skull that I have created, red, gray and pink staining his white hair, gray eyes wide open, staring at nothing.

My turn to pay.

I raised my hand that held the gun, pointing the barrel into my mouth.

Silence awaits.

 ** _BANG._**

* * *

 **A/N: ... That is the end of it. I do not have any more words, please don't make me. (sobs)**


End file.
